斷背山小說

昨晚終於的起心肝讀完Brokeback Mountain小說版
只得二十多頁的小說
就交代了兩位男士20年來的感情生活

沒有看過電影
只是一邊讀小說一邊幻想當中的情節
有兩個場面令我最深刻
這兩個場面都是接近結尾:

第一個是Ennis跟他的老婆Alma離婚後
Alma在和Ennis食完Thanksgiving dinner之後跟Ennis所說的一番話:

"You know," she said, and from her tone he knew something was coming, "I used to wonder how come you never brought any trouts home. Always said you caught plenty. So one time I got your creel case open the night before you went on one a your little trips -- price tag still on it after five years -- and I tied a note on the end of the line. It said, hello Ennis, bring some fish home, love, Alma. And then you come back and said you'd caught a bunch a browns and ate them up. Remember? I looked in the case when I got a chance and there was my note still tied there and that line hadn’t touched water in its life." As though the word "water" had called out its domestic cousin she twisted the faucet, sluiced the plates.

~ page 15

我很能感受到Alma對Ennis的愛
即使知道Ennis在外面有古怪
即使知道Ennis不是去釣魚
但仍然希望她所想的不是真實
仍然抱著一絲希望
希望Ennis所說的話有一日會是真的
可惜她愛上了不應該愛的人
最後改嫁了
應該會得到幸福吧

而第二個場面是當Ennis得知Jack去世後
就去了Jack的家, Jack的房間
Ennis發現原來Jack偷偷地拿了他的衫
將它掛在自己的衫下
就好像是自己的第二層皮膚一樣
讀到這裡我也被感動了
這種要將對方跟自己合二為一的想法
是要有很深的情才會有的

讀完小說版
我終於明白李安所講的"每個人心裡面都有一座斷背山"是甚麼意思
很多人認為"斷背山"就是同性戀的意思
我相信說這些話的人沒有看過這部電影或小說
或沒有真真正正去感受當中的意思
以為內容是關於同性戀的就隨便對號入座
當中所講述的愛
是一個人對另一個人所付出的愛
是很深而且很濃的
兩者的性別不一定是相同
如果單單因為"同性戀"而錯過這部電影或小說的話
they actually miss a lot more than a story or a movie...

*****************************************************************************

There was some open space between what he knew and what he tried to believe, but nothing could be done about it, and if you can't fix it you've got to stand it.

~ page 26